I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
