Yo dont text me then not text me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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