I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
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I just found puke in my bra..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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