I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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