So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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