I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
