her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
