Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
