My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
