if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
