fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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