Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
