i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
