I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
