I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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