First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
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We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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