see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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