why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
