Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
