I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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