So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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