Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
