She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
