I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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