I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
