Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
