Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The air taste purple.
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