Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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