The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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