The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
