i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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