he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
