Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
