Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize