I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She announced her abortion via fbk
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
