I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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