after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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