I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
