He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
