A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize