You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
