I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
