dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
