my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
