I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
