i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my shit smells like andre
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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