Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
