nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
