Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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