I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
