so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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