Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
