I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
