It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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