We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
