you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
