how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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