I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
