I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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