my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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