If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
