I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
