I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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