dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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