so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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