it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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