Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
