my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
