some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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