I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
