so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
