I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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